What happens if I can’t care for my parent anymore?

If you are asking what happens if I can’t care for my parent anymore, the short answer is this: the responsibility for making sure their eligible care needs are met sits with the council, not with you. You can tell your council’s adult social care team that you are no longer able or willing to provide some or all of the care, and they must look again at how your parent’s needs will be met.

That does not make the decision easy. This guide sets out your rights, how to tell the council, what to do in an emergency, and where carers anywhere in England can get support, including young carers.

In short: tell the council in writing, ask for a reassessment of your parent’s needs and a carer’s assessment for you, and put an emergency plan in place so there is a safety net while new care is arranged.

Do I have a legal duty to care for my parent?

No. In England there is no law that makes adult children provide care for their parents. Caring is a choice, even when it does not feel like one.

When the council or the hospital plans care, they should check whether a family carer is willing and able to do what is being asked. Carers UK puts it plainly: the law says they must check you are willing and able to care, and if you are not, different or additional arrangements may be needed.

You can also say yes to some tasks and no to others. For example, you might be happy to do shopping and appointments but not personal care or night-time help.

What happens if I can’t care for my parent anymore? Telling the council

Contact your council’s adult social care team by phone or through its online referral form. Most councils also have an out-of-hours emergency duty line. (In West Sussex, for example, the number is 01243 642121, day and night.) Say clearly:

• that you can no longer provide the care you have been giving, or which parts you can no longer do;
• from what date, and why, briefly;
• what your parent needs help with day and night;
• whether anyone is at risk right now.

Follow the call up with an email or letter so there is a record. Then ask for two things.

A reassessment of your parent’s needs

If your parent already has a council care plan, it will need reviewing because the support you gave was part of it. If they have never been assessed, ask for a needs assessment. Our article on preparing for a care needs assessment explains the process and helps you get ready.

A carer’s assessment for you

Adult carers in England are entitled to a carer’s assessment under the Care Act 2014, even if the person they care for has not been assessed. Ask your council how long it usually takes and whether a local carers’ organisation carries it out on the council’s behalf. It looks at your health, work, family life and what support would help, including breaks from caring.

What happens next?

Once the council knows you can no longer care, it will look at how your parent’s eligible needs can be met. Depending on those needs and their wishes, that might be:

• visiting home care, overnight care or live-in care;
• day services, equipment and telecare;
• a short stay in a care home while longer-term plans are made;
• a permanent move to residential or nursing care.

Your parent will usually have a financial assessment. For care at home the value of their home is not counted, and people with savings above £23,250 pay the full cost. If your parent has capacity, their own views matter. If they lack capacity for the decision, a best interests decision is made, involving you and anyone with lasting power of attorney. For more on the options, see when an elderly parent can’t cope at home.

Emergency options if you have to stop suddenly

If you are taken ill, have an accident or face a crisis and cannot care from today, act in this order:

Many councils fund free emergency respite for carers, often through a local carers’ organisation. In West Sussex, for example, TuVida provides up to 48 hours, or up to 72 hours over a weekend or bank holiday. Schemes like this are for real emergencies such as sudden illness, not planned breaks. Our guide to emergency respite care explains more.

What is a carer’s emergency plan?

A carer’s emergency plan, sometimes called a contingency plan, is a written record of what should happen for the person you look after if you suddenly cannot be there. It lists who to call, your parent’s medication and routines, key contacts, and any risks.

Carers’ organisations in many areas offer two tools:

• Contingency planning: a form and guide to help you write your plan and share it with people you trust.
• Carer emergency contact card: a wallet card with a unique reference number. If you are in an accident or taken ill, the emergency services or anyone helping you can call the number. A 24-hour response team then puts your pre-arranged plan into action and contacts the people you have named. You usually need to be registered with the local carers’ service.

Ask your council or local carers’ centre what runs in your area; the Carers Support West Sussex emergency card page shows how one scheme works. Also ask your GP to record that you are a carer.

Young carers support

If a child or teenager in your family is helping to care for a parent or grandparent, they can get support in their own right. Councils have duties to young carers under 18, and most run or fund a young carers service.

These services usually work with the whole family to reduce caring that is too much for a child, and can help with school, breaks and activities, emotional support, and a review of family benefits. Referrals can come from parents or professionals such as teachers, with the family’s permission. Search your council’s website for “young carers” to find the referral route (see, for example, West Sussex’s young carers page).

Young adult carers aged 18 to 25 can often get help from the local adult carers’ service.

Dealing with guilt and making the decision

Almost every carer who reaches this point feels guilty. Many also feel relief, and then guilty about the relief. Both are normal. Stepping back from hands-on care does not mean you stop caring. Many families find they can be a son, daughter or partner again once someone else does the washing, dressing and night calls.

Some things that help:

• Look at the facts. Is your own health, job, marriage or children suffering? Are you making mistakes because you are exhausted? Our guide to carer burnout lists the warning signs.
• Talk to your parent early, if they are able to take part. Our article on talking to parents about care has practical suggestions.
• Try a trial break. A week of respite can show you, and your parent, that other people can care for them well. Your council or carers’ centre can tell you what respite is available locally; our respite care in Worthing guide shows what to ask.
• Get support for yourself. Your local carers’ centre offers advice and wellbeing support; your council or GP can give you its details. Our carer support in Worthing guide shows the kind of help to look for.

If money is part of the worry, our free funding checker shows what help your parent may be entitled to towards the cost of care.

Frequently asked questions

Can the council force me to care for my parent?

No. The council cannot make you provide care. It should check whether you are willing and able to care, and if you are not, it must consider how your parent’s eligible needs will be met in other ways.

Can I refuse to take my parent home from hospital?

You can tell the hospital you are not able to provide the care they need at home. Hospitals must involve carers in discharge planning, and should make sure suitable support is arranged. Your parent does not have a right to stay in hospital once they are medically fit, so the alternative may be care at home from carers or a short-term placement. See our hospital discharge guide.

Will my parent have to sell their house if I stop caring?

Not necessarily. If they receive care in their own home, the value of the home is ignored in the financial assessment. The home may be counted if they move permanently into a care home, although there are exceptions, for example if a partner still lives there.

What if my parent refuses other carers?

This is common, especially with dementia. If your parent has capacity, their choice matters, but it does not oblige you to keep caring. Tell the council and ask for help planning a gradual introduction of carers.

Who can I talk to about how I feel?

Your local carers’ centre offers emotional and practical support, and your council can give you its details. Your GP can also help, particularly if you are struggling with sleep, anxiety or low mood.

The Care Panel is an independent publication. We are not a care provider and are not regulated by the Care Quality Commission, because we do not deliver care. Always check a provider’s own CQC registration and inspection report before you commit.

Written and fact-checked by The Care Panel. Last updated September 2026. Sources: Carers UK, West Sussex County Council adult social care and young carers guidance, Carers Support West Sussex, TuVida, West Sussex Connect to Support. General information, not financial, legal or medical advice — figures are indicative and subject to change.

Reviewed by The Care Panel team on 15 October 2026. This guide is general information about care in England, not legal, medical or financial advice. Rules and rates change; check with your council or an adviser before making decisions.